Granadilla

Granadilla are my new favorite thing to eat. It´s a type of passion fruit that simply doesn´t exist in the US. It´s a hard yellow shell that encases slimy seeds- as a friend of mine put it, it feels like a mouthful of semen. I think that is impolite and vastly underestimates and disrespects the spectacularity of the fruit. Ximena says that the seeds will collect in my appendix. However, that´s ok, because she has vitiated her medical credibility! This is how (dubbed into English):

We are all having lunch. Alex finds a worm on his lettuce leaf.

Rachel: You should eat that worm!

Everyone: Ewwwww!

Stuart: Alex, I´ll give you a beer if you eat that worm.

Alex: Ok! (Eats worm).

Later in the garden...

Ximena: I hope that that worm doesn´t lay eggs in Alex.

Rachel: Why would that happen?

Ximena: Well, worms like to live in the soil because it´s warm, and it´s warm inside of people, so it´s a perfect environment for worms.

Rachel: No, I am sure that it will be digested by stomach acid.

Ximena: I hope so...

Rachel: No, the stomach acid will kill the worm, Ximena. Everything´s going to be fine. (No Donnie, these men are nihilists, there´s nothing to be afraid of).


On another note, some words on my self-made vocabulary list: slip, toilet paper, fasten, stumble, by the way, grid, hang, lampshade, sage, turmeric, overripe, rotton, freeze, glue, stab, goad, perish, hover, slimy, itch, chin, gruff, free, slacken, loosen, untie, bud, trust, gossip, flirt, fuck up, fuck, gut, fail, faint, drip, drench, crave, pillow, lump, crush, scissors, trap, collapse, aftertaste, bony, sullen, numb. There are more words in the world than I ever could have imagined. And they have genders and conjugations.

Also, in case you wanted to know, I´m listening to Britney Spears on Youtube while writing this. With headphones, don´t worry.

counting down the minutes to my birthday

Sometimes when I'm in a mood I can feel- for a split second- everyone I've ever loved move inside of me.

Maybe like grass sinking under a foot.

Or like a pile of worms.

Or like water that is getting bigger and bigger.

Once, at yoga school, we did an exercise in Phoenix Rising yoga therapy, where our partner held us, supine, in an intense hip opener.  At some point, I realized, maybe because of the overwhelming number of memories and emotions: my life has been infinite.

I am told most people never have that feeling, that it's usually the opposite.  I don't feel done, or fully expanded.  I have a lot of experiences on my list of things to do before I die that I've yet to check off.  

But for a short moment, I felt all the lifetimes worth of living I've already done.  It wasn't a connection with past lives or anything like that, either.  I just felt how far I have traveled, and it seemed endless.

Maybe take a moment to remember your endlessness.  There is someone you used to be.

It's a little funny writing this because Alex was telling me about the Buddhist concept of no self last night.  How there is no core, only fluctuation and accrued patterns.  But that's a copy of a copy of an explanation.