Jaco

I just came back from a weekend in Costa Rica's most profligate beach town. Know for its generous serf, drugs, prostitutes, and cosmopolitan restaurants, Jaco is about an hour and a half from where I live. Kenny warned me about Jaco. He said, be careful. He said, people will take advantage of you. He said, be safe and cover your drink.

Jill and Bob gave me a lift when they went down for the day. They also introduced me to Gustavo, a friend of Tara's when she lived there. Tara is their 25 year old daughter, who studied abroad in CR, lived with them at the hotel for a while, and got her masters' at University of Peace in San Jose. Sometimes I feel like the new wife in Hitchcock's/DeMaurier's "Rebecca", because Jill and Bob always tell me what Tara used to do, what Tara liked, etc. She's also seemingly accomplished, beautiful, and talented. She's coming in January and I can't wait to meet her- I'm sick of hanging out with old people! And I expect that the two of us will have a lot in common, the least of which will be that I have been exploring in her footsteps now and again based on Bob and Jill's recommendations.

Gustavo was Costa Rica's star surfer back in the 90's, and now he runs the Jaco surf school on the beach. He's traveled all over the world surfing, and also was a big deal of a soccer player in his time. His English is fluent. We talk and agree to hang out, he can show me the nightlife. He also agreed to give me a discounted surfing lesson.

Surfing is all that people do in Jaco.

Surfing is ALL that people do in Jaco. When I woke up on Friday morning, surfing wasn't even on my list of things to do ever in my life. By Friday afternoon, it became clear to me that it was normative.

When I check into my hostel, I meet a Norwegian dude who asks me if I would like some of his joint. Later that night, I meet some really interesting people, one of whom is biking down Central America. It was *wonderful* to be with people my own age. I felt so alive. We went out on the town, a little group of us, and went bar hopping. The highlight of which was when some gross old dude copped a feel, and I slapped him across the face. It felt like I was taking out all of my aggression on every tico guy who has ever catcalled me. And I hope it fucking stung.

But seriously, I always felt safe in Jaco. It never ever seemed dangerous. I never felt like I was in danger.

The next day I napped, drank expensive smoothies, and hung out with my new friends. And then, when I was least expecting it, when my guard was the most down, something bad happened to me.

The bank machine ate my card.

I didn't take it out quickly enough, so it sucked it back in, into the bowels of bureaucracy. And the bank was closed. Tomorrow I have to go BACK and get the bank to give it back. You know how these things go. Not well.

Later I went to watch a surfing contest with Gustavo, then he showed me a really great restaurant that his friend owns, with Caribbean food. The next day he let me have a free surfing lesson. Because nothing in life is free, my nose stud fell out and I had to buy another one. Then I was foolish about suntan lotion and I got burnt to a crisp. Luckily, Jill has aloe plants growing here.

I had a good time in Jaco, but it was sort of like NYC in a crummy beach town. I spent almost $200 in three days, which is NOT OK. I'm going to have to go live on beans and rice in Nicaragua after this yoga gig gets out. Ooof. Although I have three rules to make Jaco cheaper next time: no booze, no surf lessons, no hotels. I'll stay with Gustavo or Luke. Luke just got a job as an ATV instructor, he's from Alabama, and is absolutely lovely. And, unlike everybody else, he won't hit on me. Not once. Thank god.

I am a little homesick; I just feel like there are so many unknowns all the time, like I can't tell who is honest, or what I should say or do. There was a time when I was just honest all the time. Now I'm trying to fit in. It feels like middle school. And my heart, my heart hates it. But it's internal. I need to just adjust, and find my home in my heart. I feel the past fading out of me, like before my internal world was saturated with all the things that were part of my life before I came here. But now I'm starting to realize that they are no longer part of my reality in the same way. And I'm not settled enough yet to re-fill my world with intention.

I would like to meditate more often. Also, I would like to start writing every day. "After sex and metaphysics, what? What you have made" -Frank Bidart